Haec Est Vita.

A year and a half later . . . Today, in Latin III, we were reading one of Horace's poems about how awkward he got when his stalker wouldn't leave him alone. Now, the common reaction to Quintus' poems lately have been: "ugh! I hate these poems! Does Quintus die? Did he every have a girlfriend? Why are there so many of Quintus' poems?" In the poem we read today, Quintus was talking about how he was so uncomfortable with a guy that wouldn't stop following/talking to him that he was sweating a lot. The girls in the class thought this was so dumb, and why would he write a poem about this. I told them that he was inspired by is awkward situation . . . which lead me to remember one of my first blog posts about the public library (or at least the one at Himmel Park). I am not saying that my blog posts are anything compared to Horace's poetry, but I can at least sympathize with the guy . . . sometimes there are some ridiculously awkward situations in life and all you can do is tell the world about it. Horace just puts it much more eloquently.

All to say . . . this is my attempt to update and continue blogging. Thank you, Horace, for reminding me of my inspiration. I have also changed the name of blog, seeing as Kaylan is the only person who reads this.

Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.

This post is coming a little late . . . as this incident occurred about a month ago. It was 2 weeks before school was out. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I love my students more than anything in the world, but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy a good summer break! They were bouncing off the walls! Anyway, let me take you back a month ago . . .

I opened the door to my classroom (if you can call it a classroom, I have heard it referred to as "the man cave", "prison", and "hell" - it is in a portable with no windows and a giant metal door . . . welcome to Latin class. Like Latin doesn't have a hard time on it's own . . .) and in front of me I see a huge pile of chewed up carpet and wood chips. The thought runs through my head, "there is either an animal living in my room at night or some kid is really ticked at the grade I just gave him on his project". I step over the pile and make my way toward my desk. There, behind my desk, was a bunch of chewed up posters and rat poop. Awesome. The good news was that I was at school an hour early to help the middle school praise band, so there was plenty of time for me to pull myself together (to keep myself from crying - tears don't help anything), find the janitor, and have him clean my room for me. Pete is the best. However, after he cleaned the room he found me and said, "a rat chewed through the wall to get into your classroom, but I know what it was trying to get . . .", I wasn't sure if I wanted to know . . . "there was a sandwich in a plastic bag that it was trying to take out with it. It was a pretty old sandwich too, it was decaying and everything." I threw up a little bit in my mouth. This has to be one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard. And then I was nervous that it was my sandwich! I was racking my brain trying to figure out when I had a sandwich in my classroom and why I didn't put it where it belonged (in my stomach or in the trash can). As the day continued, I told the story to each of my classes, usually ending the story by picking on some random kid (or not so random kid, but one that has been giving me a hard time all year . . .) and saying, "it was totally your sandwich, wasn't it (fill in kid's name)". I tell the story during 6th period (almost the end of the day), when one of the boys says, "awww! that was still in here? That has been there for 2 months!". I kept him after class, discovered the other 3 culprits, and found out the story. Apparently 2 months before this, 4 boys were eating lunch in my room because they got in trouble during class (I make them eat lunch in my room in complete silence - whatever I'm mean). I stepped out of the room (I know, big mistake, but it's my lunch too!!!!!) for 5 minutes, probably to talk to Darcy, and while I was out of the room one kid decided to throw his half-eaten ham and cheese sandwich (still in the bag) at another one of the boys. This continued until some one threw it and it landed behind my file cabinet. They decided not to tell me because they didn't want to get in trouble. Thanks guys. The rat came back that night again. More chewed up wall and floor when I arrived the next day. I was out of a classroom for 3 days while the rats (note the plural form - more than one rat) were taken care of and the room was sanitized. I was told by my principal that I took the whole situation very well . . . but what was I supposed to do? Throwing a fit wouldn't make the rats go away! I have to admit that at a point the whole thing just became funny. The school has moved me into the main building for next year and I will have a real classroom! The worst part was not being across from Darcy, I felt like we didn't even work at the same school anymore! But thank goodness she was there! My blog shout-out goes to her, since she was there to hug me when I just needed to cry it out. She's the best.

On the up side, another kid gave me a bobble-head of Justin Timberlake as an end-of-the-year gift. He found it at a garage sale for $2. Best 2 dollars you will ever spend, kid! Greatest. Gift. EVER. I love my job.

The Night I Was Rejected By Ryan Phillippe . . .

First of all, I am supposed to be in Austin, TX right now. I had a decision to make this week, and I definitely got the answer I was looking for, so I cancelled my trip to Austin. This worked out very well because Ryan Phillipe was in Tucson promoting his new movie tonight. Yes, Ryan Phillipe is on my celebrity crush list (second only to Justin Timberlake) and when a celebrity from your crush list is in town, you go see him (especially if your celebrity crush list is made up of 2 people). Thankfully, my friend Tanita is always up for crazy adventures with me. I put on a cute outfit (it couldn't hurt, right?) and we left for Gentle Ben's. I saw a friend from high school, so we cut in line with her. Behind me was one of my brother's friends who had a copy of Cruel Intentions for Ryan Phillipe to sign (although he was going to have his girlfriend get it signed for him) - that was one of my favorites! I wish I could have seen Ryan Phillipe's reaction! I decided to sign a piece of paper to give him and say, "I wanted to give you my autograph, Ryan"! A couple people asked if I was also going to put my number, but I figured every girl does that and if he wanted my number, he would ask for it! I'm classy like that! (Whatever.) Ryan Phillipe and his fellow cast members, including Will Forte, had to leave for the advanced screening of their new movie, so I snuck over to the side where I was hoping to get a word in to Ryan (Phillipe). I didn't want his autograph, I just wanted a picture with him (and maybe sit on his lap . . .)! Finally, my moment came. It took a lot of urging from Tanita & friends, but they pushed me forward and I said to Ryan Phillipe, "Ryan, would I be able to get a picture with you?" Ryan turned to me, tilted his head in a sympathetic (and sexy) manner, responding, "no, we are going to do that after the screening". I just said, "okay", and walked away slowly.

All I got was this picture with him . . .

And then the after picture . . .

HOWEVER . . . when they left, Ryan Phillipe high-fived Tanita and Will Forte lingered around for a bit. We ended up getting a picture with Will; Tanita got another high-five, and we talked to him for a bit. He was so nice, funny, and just plain awesome!

We didn't go to the screening . . . I have a job. But we did finish the night with Chipotle!

I want to give this blog shout-out to Makain, who got his copy of Cruel Intentions signed! You are my hero!

Nashville

Over Spring Break I went to Nashville, Tennessee. Wow. First of all, I did not realize all the double letters in the word Tennessee until I just typed it out. Second of all, what an amazing trip! So much went down so I will try to highlight it for you . . .

Saturday: Leave my house at 4:45 AM to catch our 6:30 AM flight from Tucson. I hate Delta Airlines. If possible, I will not fly them again. I didn't want to pay the

$25 to check a back, so i just carried everything on. Heavy. I wish I was a light packer, I really do! After sleeping through most of the flight to Atlanta, I ate an expensive burger. I don't know what it is about flying, but it makes me SO hungry all the time! An hour flight from ATL to Nashville, rent a car, and we are ready to go! It was sunny and beautiful! The rolling hills welcomed the arrival of two Tucsonans! Get to the Swain's house (that is where we stayed - GREAT family!)

Sunday: Church. Rain. All day. March Madness. Catch up on sleep. Eat. Hang out during the day. That night, we went downtown . . . hello NashVegas. It was cold, rainy, and we got lost. After delicious sweet potato fries, we tried to go line dancing. The one place we were told to go was the most awkward thing I have been to (and I've chaperoned Christian high school dances). The only people on the dance floor was a group of Wesleyan college choir singers. I don't think they had ever danced before. They looked like they were high schoolers. The best part was the 40 year old woman that was hitting on EVERY college guy (that looked 15). We left. No line dancing for us that night.

Monday: Visit Franklin area. My friend, Beth, told me I HAD to eat at Meridee's and

have the chicken salad (she said I wouldn't regret it - I didn't). While at Meridee's who do we see? None other than Michael W. Smith (I guess 90's Christian Rock did him well). Sitting in the same cafe eating his lunch! I wanted to serenade him with his own music, but was too nervous. We ended up getting a picture with him. No big deal. We then walked around downtown Franklin, where I got a sweet square scarf and $5 earrings.

Tuesday: The Flying Saucer. We went that night for Trivia Night (I had never been

to a Trivia Night before - we DEFINITELY lost). Keep in mind

that it was just Amber and I - apparently 2 girls with no guys around is anything BUT threatening to a room full of men. We may not have taken over Nashville, but we took over The Flying Saucer that night. I have never experienced anything like this before. In the 4 hours that we were at The Flying Saucer, we had been given 2 shots, a pitcher of beer, and a cigar. We had been invited 4 different places afterward and had a total of 14 guys sit down at our table (uninvited) and talk to us. 14. Living in Tucson my whole life, I did not realize that guys can actually have the guts to walk over and talk to girls. I guess Tucson is

full of panzies. A live band was playing at The Flying Saucer that night which was pretty good (there is A LOT of talent in Nashville), so Amber and I wanted to move up to the front, near the stage (after Trivia Night was over), to listen. We couldn't leave our table. We tried. We really wanted to just do our own thing and listen to music, but guys would not stop talking to us and just sitting at our table. It's a hard life. Finally got out of there before the stroke of midnight.

Wednesday: Went down to the Vanderbilt area. Too bad all I could afford was the

U of A (go wildcats!). We went to the Pancake Pantry, which is apparently the place to go in Nashville. You have to go really early in the morning (or as we discovered, noon on a Wednesday) or else you could wait up to 3

hours in line. But it is SO worth it. I had the sweet potato pancakes with a cinnamon creamy syrup. I think I was in heaven. This was by far the best thing I ate all week. We then went to Fido, a great coffee place, and as we walked up and down the streets I found my soulmate. Yes. A pair of cowboy boots. They were my size, the color I was wanting, half off, and they didn't make my calves look like giant tree trunks. Done. Yes, I have cowboy boots!

Thursday: Our last day in Nashville. The weather all week was sunny, warm, and everything started blooming! We went to a local vineyard, had a picnic, and tasted wine. Perfect end to my Spring Break week!

Friday: Most awkward travel home. On the flight from Nashville to Minneapolis a kid in front of us had his barf bag ready for the last hour along with loud burping. I couldn't handle it. I am so glad he didn't puke. Waiting in the Minneapolis airport, I ran into two Younglife kids. So random. The flight from Minneapolis to Tucson was equally awkward. Amber and I were SURROUNDED by a home-schooled family. I don't mean to dis home-schoolers (heck, I was one for 3 years), but this was the stereotypical homeschool family (and the kids were definitely in high school). I don't think they knew anything about social edict or functioning in society. Thank goodness I checked my bags. After getting off the plane we went directly to our car (or rather the shuttle that took us to the car). After the long week, I was really glad to be home and sleeping in my own bed. My bed + sweet potato pancakes really would = heaven.

This blog shout out goes to my sister, Sarah, who apparently was named teacher of the year by the school she teaches at! Woot!

Blood Donor Extraordinaire

You should donate blood, even if only to break from your diet and eat to your heart's content. I donated blood today for the first time in my life. The student council at school put together a blood drive on campus today. What a great idea - set up 2 blood donation centers at a high school and tell impressionable youngsters to give up their blood. If I were a high schooler and some one offered me the opportunity to skip class to eat cookies, I would donate blood! I decided to donate 1) because I get excited to do new things and 2) I really like getting my blood drawn (I am so weird). I think that the Red Cross is great, and I know the need for blood is huge, but donating a pint of blood while lying in an antiquated dentist's chair inside a trailer seems a little sketch . . . whatever. Much of the process is answering questions about your sex life (or lack there of), health history, temperature taking, blood testing, and travel history. The best part was being able to watch them take my blood. I have NO idea why this fascinates me so much, but I REALLY liked watching them put the needle into my vein (even though they suggested that I not look at that part) and watching the blood poor into the packet. It was cool when they drained the blood into the tubes at the end because I could feel the blood pouring out. It is times like this that I remember my adolescent dreams of becoming a doctor . . . my sophomore chemistry class killed that dream quickly. Speaking of my vein, I was complimented 3 times on the vein in my arm with things such as, "Beautiful!", and "Nice one!" People may not say that about my ass, but damn it they say it about my vein! I'm holding on to that one. What a conversation starter, "Hi, I'm Ashley, check out my vein!" After giving blood I was starving. I ate a small package of Oreos, Nutter Butters, and Cheez-its (about 35 fat grams - way over the number of fat grams I should be consuming in one day, let alone 10 minutes) and I drank a can of OJ. About an hour later I ate a burger, sweet potato fries, zucchini fries, a glass of wine, several glasses of iced tea, and 3 bites of banana cream pie. Donating blood = bottomless stomach. I would rate my first blood donation as a success. Dear Red Cross, I'll see you again in 56 days! Maybe I'll go back to school to pursue my medical dreams . . .

Sing Us a Song, You're the Piano Man!

Best. Night. Ever.

My friends and I decided to go up to Phoenix to go to a dueling piano bar, "The Big Bang". It was so worth the drive! I don't think I have had so much fun since that night in Seattle (Tanita & Josh, you know what I am talking about). What is The Big Bang? Karaoke on cocaine. It has two grand pianos on stage; there are a total of 6 piano players that rotate through the night so that there are two on stage at one time. They play requests, so you write your song request on a napkin and put it on the piano for them to play (with a tip of course!). They played everything from Lady Gaga's Bad Romance to Justin Timberlake's Dick in a Box, to Lonely Island's I'm On a Boat, to Paul Simon's You Can Call Me Al. It was pure awesome! The piano players were so talented! I'm not gonna lie, I was very close to putting my phone number on a napkin and handing it to one of the piano players . . . beanie, facial hair, wicked mad piano skills . . . Yes please! ;) First of all, beanies are always hot. Second of all, facial hair gives the rugged look. Third of all, musician?? Triple threat. This adventure took place with my two friends, Amber and Laura, and we managed to grab a table at the very front - which was perfect! The place filled up very quickly and everyone got into it (singing along, yelling and cheering). We even met new friends . . . I don't know their names, but somehow they ended up sharing a table with us! The piano players were very interactive with theaudience. At one point, Laura was texting when one of the piano players shined a flashlight on her, asked who she could possibly be texting, and made her come up on stage and sing with the piano by herself (Bye Bye Miss American Pie) for texting during his show - have I mentioned that Laura (you may know her as Adam-Bomb) is awesome! She rocked the stage and they even bought her a shot after her performance! After that, there was some shaking like a polaroid picture, livin' a prayer, and we didn't stop believing. The place was so loud that we could sing at the top of lungs and not hear ourselves . . . until we watched the videos later . . . We did try to video record some of the songs, until we were told not to by security (woops!), so we just recorded some video clips while the staff guys weren't looking. After 4 hours of fun, singing, and pianos we drove back to Tucson. I was the DD so it was not big deal, but Laura and Amber didn't make it more than 20 minutes into the drive before they were asleep . . . thanks guys. The Glee Cast and John Mayer kept me company! Finally made it home around 3 AM . . . thus concluding one of the best nights of our lives! I am not a very good writer, so this blog does not do our experience justice, all I can say is, "why do I live in Tucson?" We'll see . . .

This blog shout-out goes to you, Amber!