About 8 months ago my friends and I went to a rollerderby competition (this also happened to be the night that I wore a fake mustache and took a homemade crunk cup to a party . . . but that's another story). I highly recommend attending a roller derby match. We quickly learned the rules of the game, but most importantly, the amazing names that the girls go by. The idea was formed that evening: The Velvet Hammer. The Velvet Hammer is a non-competitive, competitive roller derby team. We all wanted roller derby names without having to actually play the game (we are not that tough). The thought was: get jerseys with our roller derby names, a number, and our team name on them, some sweatbands, maybe some roller skates down the road, and then just get together to do things (chipotle, karaoke, shuffleboard, make a music video, etc.). Since we have officially created The Velvet Hammer, I have learned that the name is not so original. The Velvet Hammer is not only a non-competitive, competitive roller derby team, but it is also a drink at Raging Sage (3 shots in sweetened condensed milk, 16 oz size only) and it is the name of a burger at Lindy's on 4th. It took a while to get all our names figured out and our numbers (those ended up being the year we graduated high school), but the jerseys finally came in. They were the most ridiculous thing I have every seen. They are a jersey material, high v-neck, and GIGANTIC arms. Seriously. I felt like I was wearing Batman's cape. The back, however, turned out great! Here is one thing to consider when deciding on your own roller derby name: it has to be tough and slightly inappropriate.
Our first Velvet Hammer event took place in January. The place: Shooters. Time: 10 PM - 12 AM. Purpose: Karaoke Extravaganza, Shuffleboard, and Darts in our jerseys. Needless to say, I can never show my face in shooters with the same group of people and in my jersey ever again. When we first arrived it was a little awkward. People kept asking us who we were and what the jerseys were for. We told the first few (bartender included) that we were just a fake roller derby team (the bartender laughed). But as the night continued I played my part. By the time I left shooters I had convinced a girl to join a year-round roller derby team for $100 a season (all of this was completely made-up information), told one guy that we were playing on the following Wednesday night, and finally that roller derby involves a ball of some sort. I know, I know. A ball?!?! No. He asked me how to score points in roller derby. I looked at my friend Laura (Adam Bomb) with a look of panic because I had forgotten the rules. She looked at me and said, "I have to go to the bathroom". She left me there. Under pressure I told him that there was a ball that some one holds and that the other team has to pass her . . . ? He believed me. I don't know which one of us is the bigger idiot. Since then we have provided everyone on The Velvet Hammer with an official roller derby rule book.
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